The Love that Would Never Be
by aimeekiwi93
Summary: A blog, some tunes and a few mixed beats were all that she had left of her.


**Goodbye**

_My name is Beca Mitchell, I am eighteen years old and this is my story..._

I was born in a small city north of Atlanta know as Sandy Springs to my father John and my mother Samantha. Naturally, I was educated in Sandy Springs, attending High Point Elementary, followed by Sandy Springs Middle School and Riverwood High School respectively. During my middle school years, my mother cheated on my father and so a divorce ensued. This couldn't have come at a more worse time. My mother supported my decisions when it came to music, but my father didn't, and so my dreams of going to the arts high school in my city were crushed.

My mother eventually moved out, leaving me with my father full time, I would see her only very occasionally. I liked to blame her for our family's troubles, because that was the truth. She hurt my father in a way I don't think anybody else could.

I graduated high school last year with hopes of moving to Los Angeles to chase a career as a music producer. Instead, my father forced me to move here, Atlanta. Why? Probably so he could keep his eye on me. He works at the University I attend and home is only a half hour drive away.

A about a year ago, he gave me an ultimatum, and that was, if I tried at college he would allow me to drop out at the end of the year and help pay for me to get to L.A. And if not, then it was always assumed I would stay here.

You see, the problem with this is, I joined this a Capella group know as the Barden Bella's, and we sing covers of songs using only our mouths, and what I would never admit is that, well, I've come to like this group. There are ten of us, and the only one I didn't particularly like was Aubrey. She's taller than me, blonde, kind-a cute, but she was such a tight arse. We presumed she had a parent who put a lot of pressure on her to be perfect. She wouldn't accept anyone else's opinion, not even from her co-captain Chloe.

But Aubrey is okay now. She eventually opened up to our group and just like we had presumed, it was her father who caused her perfectionist attitude. Wanting to win the a Capella final, the ICCA's, she sought my help, and so I helped her. I helped our team and in the end it meant we did win. I mashed songs together whilst another girl in our group, Stacie, worked on the choreography.

So that is me, and this brings us to a few months after the ICCA's, here are the following blog posts I made...

July 16, 2012

_This morning I had to go to the doctor again. This is the fifth time this month that I've had to go, all due to reoccurring pelvic pain. They have booked me in for an ultrasound this afternoon, which sucks, for one I had plans to hang out with Chloe today, and two it means I have to drink 2 litres of water an hour and a half before I'm meant to have this scan. Which means two things, I have to bullshit a reason to not see Chloe, because I don't want her or anyone else freaking out about this, and I am going to be needing to pee like hell during the ultra sound. My parents don't know that I've been seeing a doctor, let alone do they know that they're deepening their tests to try to diagnose me._

July 17, 2012

_After my ultrasound, I was told that they couldn't see my ovaries very well, so therefore, couldn't diagnose anything. Instead, they have booked me in for surgery in a month. It's called a laparoscopy. This is pretty much keyhole surgery, unless of course, something goes wrong. Perhaps it's time I told my family? The Bellas?_

August 16, 2012

_I told all that needed to know about my surgery, that I'm having it. My parents said that they would come and visit me after, and Chloe and Aubrey were the only ones that had the time to come out to see me before and after it. At midnight tonight, I'm nil by mouth. Surgery is booked for 9am tomorrow. My bags are packed, laptop included. It will be good to have a few days to focus on nothing but my mixes._

August 18, 2012

_Well, my surgery seemed to go fine, but the news of what it meant for me was not so good. I think I'll start with the good news. So Chloe and Aubrey came to visit, and stayed most of the time, before Aubrey got called out to do a few last things to do with her medical degree before she graduated. My parents came for a bit, and both offered me financial assistance. But Chloe was amazing through the whole thing. I think she is coming back tomorrow. She never knew, but my feelings for her have grown over the last year, almost to the point where, if she were into it, I would ask her out on a date. But with the news I have received, I'm in no position to peruse relationships. So this brings me to the bad news, I have ovarian cancer, which metastasized to my bladder and the bottom of my stomach, hence my horrendous pelvic pain. They're consulting with oncologists today and should get back to me this afternoon about what this means for me._

October 2, 2012

_I'm sorry I haven't updated my blog in a long time. I've been trying to come to terms with my illness. As most of you are aware, I had surgery and they confirmed cancer. Well, that oncologist told me the next day that my chances were slim. That even going through chemo, radiation and more surgery would only give me a twenty percent chance of survival. I decided to go through with whatever they could, in the hopes that it would give me a chance at life. The changes are subtle at the moment, so none of the girls know about this._

_Part of me wants to tell Chloe, but I don't want to break her heart. I guess in another few weeks, my hair will start to fall out, and then there will be no way of denying it. I will get weaker, have to spend more time in hospital, skip class and rehearsals. I dread that day. I don't want people to pity me._

_On the upside, I've had plenty of time to mix a few songs, but I also downloaded a programme that allows me to write and create my own songs, so I've been giving that a try. I want to upload them to a website called sound cloud._

December 9, 2012

_I've been in and out of hospital for quite some time now, so haven't really had the chance to update this. The girls know about my condition, I suppose my hair falling out and my absence gave it away. Chloe volunteered to shave the rest of it off for me. I can't tell how she feels about it, neither the rest of the girls. It doesn't help that I gave them a huge lecture about not pitying me, and that I had to be strong to fight the illness. Maybe that's why they've been so awkward._

_I'm heading to see my oncologist today to see if there has been any success. If not, I don't think I'll continue with treatment. What's the point in painfully prolonging my life for an unpredictable amount of time?_

January 5, 2013

_New years was good. I spent it with the girls. Midnight kiss went to Chloe. I'm glad. I've only been waiting for over a year to do that. I just don't want to lead her on. Not with the news I got given. I will update later. I don't feel like updating now._

January 18, 2013

_Finally around to updating. In December, my oncologist told me treatment wasn't working, and that at the most I would get to spend another two years on this world. I told him, as I planned, that I didn't want to prolong my life. So I've been off treatment for over a month now. I feel better mentally, but physically I'm still shattered. The oncologist has given me about two months._

February 28, 2013

_I refuse to go to hospital. I hate that place. I'm gonna miss my friends._

March 10, 2013

_I told Aubrey what's happening. I told her about this blog. I made her promise to show the girls._

_I love you all. You're my awesome nerds. I miss you._

March 13, 2013

_I wanted to dedicate __**my**__ last blog to Chloe. That ginger that broke all the rules, stormed into my shower, forced me to join the Bellas, made me laugh, gave me hope and flipped my stomach every time I saw her. If I wasn't dying, I would have asked her out. Especially after that kiss at new year. I wish I could have spent more time with you Chloe, and I'm sorry I was so secretive. I want you to keep my laptop. On it are songs I've made. I want you to upload them to sound cloud. In my files, there should be one with your name on it. Those are for you. I love you, Chloe._

**xxxxxxxxxxxx**

Aubrey had called Chloe to Beca's apartment on the fifteenth of March. This would be the last time she saw the young brunette who she had secretly fallen for. Aubrey knew Beca's last days were approaching, and after the Bellas and Beca's family had come through and visited their ill daughter, Aubrey led Chloe in to see her.

She was pale, in bed, wrapped up in pile after pile of blankets. Her face was hollow, and had obviously lost weight over the year and a half since her diagnosis. Chloe's heart broke at the sight and rushed to her side. Beca managed to roll her head to look at the woman she loved, a tiny smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

Chloe's heart ached as she raised a hand to stroke Beca's face. "Why didn't you tell me?" she whispered, her eyes welling with tears.

Beca closed her eyes, "I'm sorry," she whispered back to Chloe.

Aubrey stood back watching the two connect. Judging by Beca's condition, Aubrey expected this would be the last time the girls saw her alive. She walked over to Beca's bedside and pulled up the chair that had been brought through a few weeks earlier. Aubrey had a feeling they were going to be there a long time.

Hours passed and Chloe had pulled through a chair of her own, stroking Beca's head as a token of comfort for both of them.

"I love you," Chloe whispered to Beca.

But when no reply came, she looked to Aubrey, who was fighting tears. She had noticed about half an hour ago, that Beca's chest had stopped rising and falling. She just wanted to give Chloe a little bit more time with the one she loved.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

As per Beca' wish, Aubrey told Chloe about Beca's blog. This had brought her slightly more comfort. And as she read the final blog post off Beca's laptop, she realised that the site was still logged in. Sitting upright on her bed, she decided to post links to the tunes Beca had made, she created a final blog post in memory of her friend.

March 20, 2013

_My name is Chloe. As Beca had wished, I have read her blogs, and I feel it is appropriate for me to inform you of her passing. I have linked to you the songs she created and hope that you all will appreciate her for who she was and what she did._

_~C_

Chloe closed the laptop and pushed it to the end of her bed, a tear falling down her cheek as she remembered the love that would never be.

**A/N: **Reviews? :) Hope I didn't make anyone cry. I nearly did whilst writing this. This was a similar fic to one I wrote for my old account for a different fandom.


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